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Once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don’t want to chase it out again, you’re at least ready to start, she says. Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Just remember that your fears are normal -- after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval -- and that you don’t have to jump all the way in. Tell a few trusted friends that you’re interested in meeting people. A divorcée may also feel that there’s something "wrong" with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. If that's the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, "visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, 'Stop! That said, don't let a fear of your children being upset or disapproving stop you from getting out there if you feel ready to.If it’s truly awful, take a step back and wait some more. Says Gadoua, "too many women hide behind their kids as an excuse not to date." Be upfront and respectful, but don't apologize for wanting to date.So how can you make post-divorce dating -- whether you’re looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man -- less daunting? Whether it’s been one year or six since the divorce decree, you may never know with absolute clarity that you’re truly ready for another relationship. Of course, when you do meet, take basic safety precautions. Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man’s intellectual stimulation.Read on for 10 tips that will help you get back in Cupid's good graces. Instead, “it’s usually clear when you’re not ready,” says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of "Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce." That is, “when the very idea turns you off.” But you can decide that you’re ready to at least try. While it’s not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that’s obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. “That kind of thinking can tank your mood -- and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love.” By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. "Tell a friend where you’ll be and when you expect to be home, and meet for coffee in a public place," suggests Dr. "You can see what you might want in a relationship going forward," she says, even if it's not with any of these guys. "Just say, ‘I’m enjoying dating you, but I want you to know that for now I’m also seeing others casually." 10. Hopefully it's obvious to you that if you have children at home, you shouldn't bring dates around unless it's somewhat serious.

Now you're probably a lot wiser about men (thanks to your marriage), you may have children that restrict your free time, and the club-scene may not be quite as inviting as when you were younger.

Once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don't want to chase it out again, you're at least ready to start, she says. The idea is that you should consciously decide how you want to proceed," which will in turn inform how you go about meeting people.

If it's truly awful, take a step back and wait some more. Gadoua, who runs dating workshops for women, asks them to free-associate words that come to mind when they think of "dating." Not surprisingly, words like "awful" and "dreadful" come up.

Your First Relationship After Divorce - After things have started to settle down, you'll probably consider dating again at some point in time.

And while it may not last, the first relationship you have with a new man can do a lot to heal your wounded soul.

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