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Being asexual meant that Ben had no interest in having sex with me. He described watching sexual scenes in films as “Like you would feel after watching someone have their teeth pulled out” and as I felt that cringing grimace, I started to get the asexual mind-set. How would he know what it’s like to have a different sexuality than his own? It makes me happier.” But that the physical reaction simply wasn’t sexual. He could finally pinpoint that confusing part of himself. What a relief to know there’s nothing wrong with him! Asexuality is one of the least talked about pockets of our community, mainly because some asexuals don’t even realise that it’s a thing!

Ben believed it was down to a go-karting accident at 8 years old as to why he couldn’t... So I asked him how he felt about sex in his mind, not his body. He felt compelled to be around me and, in his words, “I like to look at you. Sleeping in the same bed took him a while to get used to and I’d often wake up to an empty bed and a text saying “Had to go to work” when he later admitted that he just couldn’t sleep that close to someone… “Like someone with arachnophobia having to hold a spider in his palms for 7 hours” he explained to me. Physical contact and intimacy for an asexual must be on their terms. Waking up with someone - that intimate companionship - is the emotional side of love. He was more than happy in our “Couple bubble” with our inside jokes and secret looks. To him, asexuality was the absence of sexual desire, not the revulsion of it. But I refused to agree to exclusivity as I couldn’t imagine myself in a sexless relationship forever. It’s easier to blame a go karting accident than label yourself as different, but on the inside, he was relieved.

So, in order to demystify this concept for people, I spoke with two asexual activists in order to try to better understand dating in the asexual community.

The first person I interviewed was Gaia Steinberg, 24, from Israel. She’s an activist in the feminist, sex-positive, and asexual communities. He has been in a leader and activist in asexual community for ten years, was active in campaigns to take asexuality out of the DSM, and was featured in the documentary Asexual people are not a monolith, but I asked Gaia and David to tell me about their own experiences with the community as a whole and their own personal understanding of dating while asexual.

“I am very confused :( I went on a few dates with a girl, and I really like her. ” - Question submitted by Anonymous and answered by Kara Kratcha as a part of Everyone Is Gay: Second Opinions Dear Friend, I’m so happy to hear that you’ve found someone you really like to go on dates with. Maybe you like how she refrains from romantic nonsense and gets right to the point.

Asexual dating-54Asexual dating-2

Think about how different kinds of relationships—particularly the relationships you already have in your life—create different kinds of intimacy.For example, Gaia personally doesn’t have a binary between romantic and nonromantic relationships.Asexual is the first professional asexual dating site for people who lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in sexual activity.The new study shows that about one percent of the population is asexual, it means there are nearly 70 million people are asexual and the number is on the rise. Do you think others can not understand your attraction or romantic orientation of asexual? Some are happier on their own, others are happiest to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships.Each asexual men or asexual women are welcomed to join us for platonic dating regardless of race, religion, romantic orientation or gender.




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