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” She went on to say, “They’d been dating for like six months, but she said she didn’t want a boyfriend right now. Eleven and trying to figure out the dynamics of a months-long exclusive relationship and using words like “dating” to describe them. The middle school years are a time of major transition for kids as nature forces them along the path toward adulthood.So she’s not going to date anyone else for a while.” The kicker? It’s not like we, as parents, can prevent their sudden interest in the opposite sex because, well–But allowing that new interest to move quickly into a serious romantic attachment with a peer has its pitfalls.Sometimes I wish someone actually sat me down as a kid and talked to me about dating and relationships. And the little boys in middle school were perverts and spent their free time trying to touch on girls’ butts.I don’t ever recall talking to either parent about these subjects, but I did hear “You better not come home knocked up.” So yeah, I knew not to get pregnant, but I didn’t actually know how one “got pregnant,” if that makes any sense. The last boy who attempted to cop a feel in the 8th grade ended up with a black eye.They were laughing about another friend who was “dating” a girl. It got me wondering what exactly “dating” means to middle schoolers, and whether it’s a good idea at that age.As many parents know, adolescents between the ages of 12 and 15 can be the most perplexing and frustrating humans on the planet.In fact, changes in an adolescent’s brain around puberty may contribute to an adolescent's seeking out romantic relationships and expanding them into sexual relationships, says B. Casey, Ph D, director of Sackler Institute for Developmental Psychobiology. Adolescents don’t see dating that way, says Casey Corcoran, program director for Children & Youth at Futures Without Violence. The spectrum of informal to formal relationships is wide,” Corcoran says.

While I know there is no "one size fits all" rule regarding dating, I thinking that teenagers dating older people is generally a really bad idea.Blume taught me about menstruation and innocent crushes. I’m not really sure what he meant by “out,” because there’s not so much a 13-year-old can do besides the movies and the mall, but I didn’t bring up that issue.Collins and Steele taught me about lust, love and the dangers that could arise from both. Now that I’m the parent of a teenager, I give him the advice I wish I had received when I was his age. I asked him if there were any signs that she may be interested in more than a friendship, because sometimes people can misinterpret signals.One reason that adolescence is such a complicated time is because the brain is still changing. And most teens overwhelmingly prefer the company of their friends over their parents.So coupling an adolescent’s risk-taking with his love for reward plus the innate need to establish his own sexual identity can mean that previously innocuous behavior can lead, if unchecked, to high-risk activities. While most people think of dating as getting in the car, picking someone up, and taking them to the movies or dinner, that’s an adult’s definition.

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